Too Poor, but Always Rich

The past few nights, I've gone to bed crying. Why does life have to be so hard I wonder? Why do we work so hard...just to be broke? How did I end up pregnant with no financial means to deliver this baby? Ooh, I just can't shut my brain up. I think of all the things that have gone wrong in my life or that aren't going to go right no matter how hard I try and it kills me.

On the other hand, I have so many things to be happy about...it's just hard to see the good when your mind is clouded with thoughts of how you're going to put food on the table for one week until payday when all the money is eaten up by bills once again.

I am now working full time at a daycare center that gives me full benefits, paid time off, and a 20% discount on my child care. It truly is a blessing because they pay me more than any other daycare would pay because it's run through a hospital. I get normal working hours so I can be home with my family in the evenings, and I work with two wonderful women.

We live in a beautiful place and it's so peaceful. My husband is always there for me, I have a baby that I feel move inside of me everyday, and the sweetest little girl. I have a clean house, I can cook and I have good friends. So why does money matter? I don't know...it makes the stinking world go around and I keep getting stuck on it's evil carousal ride that spins me so fast I can't seem to catch all my barrings. They say hard work pays off...I know it will...so until then, I will pursue happiness in other areas of my life and try not to break myself worrying about my bills.

Something Different

OK, most of my posts (all 3 of them ha ha) have been about my pregnancy. Well...I was informed by my dad that not everyone likes reading about that all the time. In fact, after we got talking, he started telling me about how my mom used to have groups of women over to watch birth videos (while she was pregnant of course) and how they would all start crying and talking about childbirth being such a beautiful thing. So I guess I can see how after dealing with that three times, he could be burnt out. I will try and write about something different, although I don't have much of a brain right now. Oh how it cracks me up to think about my dad being exposed to a bunch of over emotional, pregnant women watching movies of childbirth. Enough of that.

How about mice? Well, we kill them around here because they are NASTY!!! Recently mouse traps stopped working so we got some poison and put it where no animals or rug rats could get to it. I think it has worked! I haven't found any mouse poop on my counters in about a week! Hallelujah! I went outside for a minute though, and found my dog playing with a dead RAT. Yes, rat. Something I thought we didn't have around here because in two years, we've never seen one or seen the leavings of one. How gross! I hope those things don't find their way into our home.

I'm so original...who ever thought I could write about a dead rat? :)

Fetoscope

My sissy in law let me borrow her fetoscope so I could start listening to the baby's heart beating. I was VERY excited...and...so was Halie. She couldn't wait to try it on herself and listen to her baby's heartbeat either! Fetoscope is not at all like a doppler...Not invasive at all. Midwives start using them at around 19 weeks and I of course thought it would work sooner for me but it didn't because...I'm no exception to the rule. I am 20 weeks now and I think I can hear something if it's really quiet in the room...which isn't often around here!

Here is me at 20 weeks pregnant! Not much change from last time, but I can definitely feel my little one moving around in there now! It's SO exciting :) I think I almost look smaller haha...must be the angle because I'm not shrinking any!