The Beginning of the End

On October 30th, 2003, I made a decision that would change my life forever. I aborted my child, at 17 weeks pregnant. I feel convicted to write about my experience, to spread the truth about how abortion hurts women, and kills babies, everyday, every minute and every second.

At the beginning of August, 2003, I discovered I was pregnant. I was just about to enter my senior year in high school, and was in a serious relationship with my (now husband) boyfriend of almost two years. We had discussed various birth control options, and even tried a few. Right before I got pregnant, I had a colposcopy (a biopsy of the cervix) to rule out any suspicions of cervical cancer since my pap had come back abnormal. I was told not to have sex for a month, so I quit my birth control and ended up (obviously) having sex and conceiving my first child.

I remember feeling two emotions when I found out about my new pregnancy. The first emotion was, shock. I was shocked that I was really pregnant and shocked about my future life as a mother. My second emotion was, joy. I was overcome with joy that I was going to be a mother, not thinking of how anyone would react or try to influence me in any other direction. I was keeping this baby!

Sadly, my friends and family around me, didn't see this news the way I wanted them too. I was pummeled with everyone's, "You will ruin your life!" and "You are too young." and "Your relationship with Ryan will deteriorate!" I had one person in my life that was supportive of what I wanted, my Mother-In-Law. I clung to her, although ultimately I felt the hot coals being dumped on my head from the rest of the world to do what they thought was right.

Kaiser Permanente was my health care provider at the time, and I'm sure they were just as confused (if not more) as I was about my flip-flopping decision to keep, or end my pregnancy. One minute I would tell them that I wanted this baby more than life itself, and the next I was telling them I was going to have an abortion, and would make all these excuses and justify my reasoning some how, even though I knew in my heart it was the wrong choice, and I was just making that choice to make everyone leave me alone.

I met up with Pregnancy Counseling Center in Santa Rosa, California one day after work because I was so stressed and emotional over the decision at hand. I didn't realize they were a Christian organization until I started talking to them. There were two, nice ladies that brought me into a dimly lit, small room, with three comfy chairs, some simple artwork on the walls and a feeling of peace and reassurance that I truly needed to feel at that moment. They started talking to me about how there was no positive thing that came out of abortion, and explained to me all the risks associated with one, but also gave me support, saying that I could do anything, even with a baby. They sent me off with a yellow piece of paper, that had all the risks associated with abortion listed on it. I probably read that paper a thousand times.

I started sharing this Pro-Life information (it's TRUE information) on abortion with everyone. I wanted everyone to know what would happen to me if I had an abortion. I had my face spit on, to be perfectly honest. Nobody cared why or how it happened, or how I would be emotionally and mentally changed from an abortion...they just wanted to see my LIFE get back on track!

To Be Continued...